I Don’t Even Know What It Looks Like: Discovering a Real Relationship With Jesus

Not long ago, someone looked me in the eye and stated, "I don't even know what it looks like to have a real relationship with Jesus.”

His words have stayed with me, because I think they capture the silent struggle of many. We use the phrase “relationship with Jesus” so often in sermons, Bible studies, and songs, but when life has been full of broken relationships, it’s hard to picture what a healthy one with Christ should look like.

Many of us carry scars from painful friendships, broken homes, unhealthy dating relationships, or even marriages that ended in betrayal. Those experiences shape how we perceive relationships, and they subtly influence how we relate to Jesus.

• If friends have abandoned us, we quietly wonder if Jesus might too.

• If love has always felt conditional, we question whether Jesus’ love is really unconditional.

• If trust has been shattered, we hesitate to place our trust in Him fully.

We’re trying to understand a perfect Savior through our imperfect human experiences.

On top of that, another level of difficulty arises: How do we have a relationship with someone we can’t see or touch?

In some ways, it’s a little like a long-distance relationship. When two people care deeply for each other but are separated by distance, the only choice to keep the relationship going is to be intentional. Since they don't bump into each other at the kitchen table or share the same daily routines, they have be intentional to spend time and work on creative communciation skills.

They learn to stay connected through phone calls, video chats, and letters. They must find ways to demonstrate they are thinking of one another. It requires trust, effective communication, and a willingness to invest in the relationship, even when they can’t physically see each other.

Our walk with Jesus is similar. We don’t see Him face-to-face right now, but He has given us His Word as a letter to us, prayer as a direct line of communication, and the Holy Spirit as His presence in our daily lives. Like in any long-distance relationship, the connection is real, but it thrives only when we oractcice intentionalality. We must remain engaged and trust that there is a way to deepen the relationship.

The good news is that Jesus Himself defines what our relationship can be. Scripture gives us clear pictures:

• Friendship: “No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends” (John 15:15). He invites us to closeness, not distance.

• Connection: “I am the vine, you are the branches… apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). It’s not a weekend appointment—it’s daily dependence.

• Trust: “Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). His care is steady and unshakable.

• Love: “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). His love doesn’t have to be earned; it’s freely given.

Every human relationship, no matter how good, falls short of the ideal we have mapped out. Even the best marriage, the strongest friendship, or the most faithful parent will have limits. But in Jesus, we finally find a relationship that is whole, lacking nothing.

• When others fail you, He never will (Hebrews 13:5).

• When promises are broken, His promises remain true (2 Corinthians 1:20).

• When love runs dry, His love never ends (Romans 8:38–39).

So what does a relationship with Jesus look like in practice? What does it mean to have a real relationship with Him?

It means living daily with Him in such a way that His presence becomes your joy, your longing, and your greatest treasure. It means more than checking in with Him once a week at church or saying a rushed prayer at mealtime.

A genuine relationship with Jesus develops over time, through attention and love.

• Talking with Him in prayer. Not just when things go wrong, but sharing your day, your thoughts, your gratitude, and your struggles. Like sending messages to a friend you don’t want to go a day without.

• Listening to Him through His Word. His words are like letters written to you personally. They guide, comfort, and inspire. You don’t skim them just to “get through,” but treasure them because they come from the One who loves you.

• Keeping Him present in your thoughts. Just as you think about someone you love throughout the day, we learn to invite Jesus into the ordinary moments of our lives. During our commutes to work or when eating meals, we think about Him. All He has done for us. All He means for us. The fact that we will see Him soon.

This is what Ellen White was pointing to when she wrote:

“To have a relationship with Christ means to surrender our will to Him, to make Him our first, best, and last thought. It means to walk with Him in the paths of humility, to trust Him as a little child, and to rest in His love” (Steps to Christ, pp. 70–71).

What a beautiful picture, "...trust Him as a little child..." How does a child trust? They don't stop and analyze whether a parent can carry them safely; they stretch out their arms and leap, confident they will be caught. They don’t worry about tomorrow’s needs, what they will eat, or what clothes they will wear, because they know someone is watching over them. That’s the kind of trust Jesus invites us into, simple, wholehearted, and free of fear, trust.

Just as two friends can’t wait to share life with each other, so too we can come to a place where we don’t want to miss any time with Him. An excitement builds in anticipation for what He will say to us next.

In a world full of broken relationships, Jesus offers the one that is unbreakable. Why not spend some time getting to know Him today?